I’m going to say something that might surprise you, coming from a personal stylist:
The clothes don’t matter.

Well, they do – but not in the way you think.

After years of working with incredible clients who come to me feeling lost in their own closets, I’ve discovered a truth that changed everything about how I approach style: You can’t dress authentically until you know WHO you’re dressing.

The Mirror Moment That Changes Everything

Enter Juliette, who came to me newly divorced and ready to “start over in the right direction.” She thought she needed new clothes. What she actually needed was to rediscover who she was beneath the roles she’d been playing.

“I joked regularly that she was more like a therapist over these last 8 months,” Juliette told me. And you know what? She wasn’t wrong.

Because here’s what I’ve learned:
When you don’t know yourself, you end up dressing for everyone else.

• Who you think you should be
• What others expect you to look like (and be like)
• The person you were five years ago
• The life you wish you had instead of the one you’re living

But never for your true self in the present moment.

Why “Finding Your Style” Sometimes Feels Impossible

Monica came to me feeling frumpy, convinced that “that phase of my life was no longer going to be the same.” She didn’t feel confident and thought she could no longer find a style that worked for her.

Sound familiar?

Here’s why so many of us struggle: We’re trying to solve an identity problem with a shopping solution.
It’s like trying to choose a destination without knowing where you’re starting from.

This is how you end up:

• Buying clothes that look amazing on someone else but feel like a costume on you
• Following trends that don’t align with your lifestyle
• Building a wardrobe for a ‘fancy’ version of yourself
• Feeling like you have “nothing to wear” despite a full closet

The Real Work Begins in Your Heart, Not Your Closet

When I work with clients, yes, we talk about color analysis and fit. But the real transformation happens when we dig deeper:

Who are you when no one’s watching?
Not the roles you play.
Not the expectations you carry.
Just you.

What makes you feel most alive?
Is it bright colors that reflect your inner joy?
Structured pieces that mirror your strength?
Soft textures that honor your sensitivity?

What story do you want your clothes to tell?
Because whether you realize it or not, your style is always communicating something.
The question is: are you in charge of the narrative?

The Identity-First Approach to Style

Here’s what I’ve discovered works:

1. Start with Self-Compassion
Stop apologizing for your body, your budget, or your “boring” lifestyle. You can’t dress someone you’re constantly criticizing.

2. Identify Your Core Values
Are you drawn to sustainability? Comfort? Making a statement? Your values should guide your wardrobe choices.

3. Honor Your Actual Life
That fantasy wardrobe for your “someday” life? It’s keeping you from showing up fully in your today life.

4. Embrace the Evolution
You’re not the same person you were five years ago – why should your style be? Give yourself permission to evolve.

What Happens When You Know Yourself

Remember Juliette? She thought she was investing in a new wardrobe. But here’s what actually happened:

“This experience helped to change my perception of myself. I have a closet full of incredible outfits that I wake up excited to put on every day. The compliments I receive and how good it feels is great. But all that pales in comparison to how transformative this experience has been.”

And Monica? She went from accepting frumpiness as her fate to this: “I’m excited to shop and buy new outfits. I’m still learning how to put them together, but it feels less overwhelming and more like a fun challenge.“

Your Style Is Waiting for You to Find Yourself

This June, as we celebrate Pride and the beauty of authentic self-expression, I’m reminded that style is one of our most powerful tools for showing the world who we really are.

But first, we have to know ourselves.

When you see yourself in the mirror – with all your complexities, contradictions, and stories – remember you deserve clothes that celebrate YOUR truth. Not hide it. Not apologize for it. Celebrate it.

Your assignment: Before you buy another piece of clothing, spend time with yourself. Journal. Reflect. Get curious about who you are right now, at this moment.

Not who you were.
Not who you’re becoming.
Who you are today.

Because once you know yourself? Dressing becomes the easiest – and most joyful – thing in the world!

P.S. Want more personalized style guidance? Check out my styling packages or tune in to my podcast on Apple or Spotify where we talk all things style, confidence, and authenticity!